3 AM

It's 3 in the morning, and I really should be sleeping.
but instead I'm here, once again at my computer with my head filled with thoughts.
if only I could have them come out in order instead of all at once.
sometime's that's my problem. I know exactly what I want to say, but by knowing what I want to say it all comes out at the same time. often leaving me scrambling for words trying to sort them out so they make sense.
in most cases, it doesn't. but on the lucky occasions, it comes out plain as day.
so here we go-thoughts...please stay in line. I'll get to you soon enough :]


What's on your mind, Ashley?
Well, I'm glad I asked myself that. because a million things are rushing to get out!

1- I know people change. and things happen for a reason. I recently found an old camera memory card with some stuff from last year. videos, pictures, inside jokes etc.
I found out I've lost some connections without even realizing it.
I knew one friend in particular, had hurt-basically broken- my heart and spirit at some point last year. and I never forgave him.
with that weighing on my heart, and watching those videos and looking at those pictures I really remembered the good times. we were so close, this person was my best friend. I always looked to that person when I needed to talk, and even if they didn't understand they'd still smile and nod for me.
So with the thought of them hurting me so badly, mixed with the memories. I decided to send that person a message saying I forgive them for all they've done to and towards me and my other friends. some of my friends haven't let go, and still linger their feelings about that person to this day.
but I, said I would be willing to be friends again. and so there we have it. me and that person are now friends again...I know it's not the same. and there's still some awkwardness between us. but I'm hopeing I can get back to the goodtimes with this person very soon.


2- I can't believe how good things are going in life right now. I've never had so many friends to count on and look to in my past. and now I have more than I had ever asked for, and it's continuely growing. I'm so thankful for all my friends right now, you have no idea. even if we don't talk as much or stay in touch as much as me and someone else, just know that having you in my life means the world to me!

3- I'm excited for Chicago. going on a road trip out of state with some good friends is totally FTW!

4- Seeing people graduate this year has made me realize-again- that time really does fly. Like my friend Nate. I've known him since he was 15. now look at him..all grown up. all ready to face life. Amanda, known her for quite some time. and there she goes, out of high school into the world. not alot will change, but slowly it will. and I'm going to fight to keep the people who are "leaving" me to "stay" with me. I don't ever wanna lose these people just because they won't be around as much. they'll always be my friends.

5- so many trips trips trips. and not enough money money money. I know I'm young, and shouldn't worry about stuff like this yet really. but I feel like sometimes we go on trips and stuff to keep me happy, when we don't have alot of money as it is. it must be hard to keep up with the times and my needs at the same time while struggling with bills. I'm glad you do it though...

6- I hope. I HOPE! I'm here for fair week. I have SO much planned for this years fair and if I don't get to go, I'll be pissed :(


that's enough for now.
I'm just so happy with life. you have no idea.
I'm so thankful for everything that's going well,
and the days I feel like it's not going anywhere or it's not enough....that's crazy talk.
but I should head to bed..it's 3:12.
good night, good reading :]