DontLetMeGetMe

Sometimes you hear people say that the person they trust most is the person they thought they could never trust. Or the person they love is someone they once hated. Or even the person they could go to the most is the person they thought they'd never get a chance to speak to.

I finally understand that now.

I have a friend that's always there for me, even when I'm not in the mood for her to be there.

She gets on my nerves, and we're always fighting or arguing about something pointless.

She's like my sister, in a few ways. she's crazy, sometimes self centered and she holds grudges forever.

she physically and verbally abuses me, but in the end I love her more than any friend I've ever had.

we have the kind of relationship that we never leave each other behind.

when one of us is in a relationship, or on vacation, or with other friends we're always in contact.

we never leave the other out of situations and always filling each other in on our lives.

we show each other respect when the other asks for it, and even when we get into a fight it's usually easily resolved.

When I first met her I didn't like her. I acted like I did, just so my other friends wouldn't think I was rude.

but once given the chance to sit down and talk with her, I realized we have alot in common.

but at the same time, we're completely different.

we're not afriad to tell each other when the other is being a bad friend.

like, ignoring the other by paying more attention to someone else.

or walking off without the other, etc.

and we're also not afriad to tell each other when the other is making bad decisions, or doing something far too crazy.

we've gotten into alot of trouble together, and often drag each other in the middle of the other's drama.

our families basically adopted each other, and we're hanging out as much as we can.

I'm thankful to have her in my life, and I hope she's a life long friend.

So Hannah, if you ever read this

I love you and everything you do.

You believe in me and give me a sense of accomplishment.

Don't ever leave my side.

3 AM

It's 3 in the morning, and I really should be sleeping.
but instead I'm here, once again at my computer with my head filled with thoughts.
if only I could have them come out in order instead of all at once.
sometime's that's my problem. I know exactly what I want to say, but by knowing what I want to say it all comes out at the same time. often leaving me scrambling for words trying to sort them out so they make sense.
in most cases, it doesn't. but on the lucky occasions, it comes out plain as day.
so here we go-thoughts...please stay in line. I'll get to you soon enough :]


What's on your mind, Ashley?
Well, I'm glad I asked myself that. because a million things are rushing to get out!

1- I know people change. and things happen for a reason. I recently found an old camera memory card with some stuff from last year. videos, pictures, inside jokes etc.
I found out I've lost some connections without even realizing it.
I knew one friend in particular, had hurt-basically broken- my heart and spirit at some point last year. and I never forgave him.
with that weighing on my heart, and watching those videos and looking at those pictures I really remembered the good times. we were so close, this person was my best friend. I always looked to that person when I needed to talk, and even if they didn't understand they'd still smile and nod for me.
So with the thought of them hurting me so badly, mixed with the memories. I decided to send that person a message saying I forgive them for all they've done to and towards me and my other friends. some of my friends haven't let go, and still linger their feelings about that person to this day.
but I, said I would be willing to be friends again. and so there we have it. me and that person are now friends again...I know it's not the same. and there's still some awkwardness between us. but I'm hopeing I can get back to the goodtimes with this person very soon.


2- I can't believe how good things are going in life right now. I've never had so many friends to count on and look to in my past. and now I have more than I had ever asked for, and it's continuely growing. I'm so thankful for all my friends right now, you have no idea. even if we don't talk as much or stay in touch as much as me and someone else, just know that having you in my life means the world to me!

3- I'm excited for Chicago. going on a road trip out of state with some good friends is totally FTW!

4- Seeing people graduate this year has made me realize-again- that time really does fly. Like my friend Nate. I've known him since he was 15. now look at him..all grown up. all ready to face life. Amanda, known her for quite some time. and there she goes, out of high school into the world. not alot will change, but slowly it will. and I'm going to fight to keep the people who are "leaving" me to "stay" with me. I don't ever wanna lose these people just because they won't be around as much. they'll always be my friends.

5- so many trips trips trips. and not enough money money money. I know I'm young, and shouldn't worry about stuff like this yet really. but I feel like sometimes we go on trips and stuff to keep me happy, when we don't have alot of money as it is. it must be hard to keep up with the times and my needs at the same time while struggling with bills. I'm glad you do it though...

6- I hope. I HOPE! I'm here for fair week. I have SO much planned for this years fair and if I don't get to go, I'll be pissed :(


that's enough for now.
I'm just so happy with life. you have no idea.
I'm so thankful for everything that's going well,
and the days I feel like it's not going anywhere or it's not enough....that's crazy talk.
but I should head to bed..it's 3:12.
good night, good reading :]